I laughed out loud at the vet’s office yesterday when the receptionist commented on how well-behaved my boys are. I hadn’t meant the little outburst of laughter; it had just slipped out, and as I glanced back at them, I nervously nodded in agreement. They were playing and reading quietly and politely while we waited to be called back, no sign of the wild animals I had seen just the previous afternoon.
Their behavior baffles me. One minute they are all quiet and calm, polite and helpful, kind and gentle and thoughtful with one another; the next minute a total chaos and a kind of brutal aggression ensues and as they are growing and getting stronger and bigger (while I stay the same size), it is getting more difficult to step in and physically separate them. It’s a joke to think that words alone can halt some of the behaviors, despite wanting to be all touchy-feely and respectful of their space and bodies… it’s all great in theory, but sometimes physical restraint is necessary when one is running toward another with a blunt object in hand. 
Just the other day, during a play date, this very thing happened. The screaming, running, jumping, yelling, throwing, grabbing, wild-animal behavior came out and there was nothing short of a miracle that was going to stop it. You can throw them outdoors only for them to return minutes later, door slamming open, screaming and screeching and crying and tearing through the living room as fast and deadly as an August tornado.
I am often apologetic and embarrassed when this happens and there is either no energy or no idea about how to stop it. I am not in control of my children; there are times they will run loose and free, and there it is. It has to run its course. I often take them aside later, when all is calm and I know they are listening, to discuss how I felt about them behaving this way and being too wild in the house, but half the time I have no idea if that message gets through. I feel like admitting this somehow makes me less of a parent, less of a good parent. But then again, to expect little people to be well-behaved at all times is completely crazy, right?! Better in our own home than in the vet’s office.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
My kids are littler, but my three year old is so clearly showing me on a daily basis that I am not really in control of her. Sometimes it’s open (and rude) defiance, sometimes it’s assertive independence. Either way, it’s refreshing to see you make that comment as a statement of fact rather than defeat. Some people have docile and eager-to-please children. The rest of us have a little more chaos!
So true, Brooke! I read something awhile ago that really resonated with me — that our children are not extensions of us, that they are their own separate beings. I think it’s hard to realize that after years and years of utter dependence upon us. Sure, it’s our job to teach them manners and how to interact with others and how to navigate this world, but we are not in control of them, nor should we be dictating their every move. I think they need to “try on” different people before they settle on who they want to be. And every kid needs to try out a little naughtiness every once in awhile!
Lauren, I completely relate! Now that C is almost 3, I’m realizing how lucky I got with A the first time around. She was a very reasonable toddler (In hindsight — didn’t seem like that then! Although other people commented on it.). She never threw a tantrum in public, which seems amazing now. C hits me and his sister and laughs while doing it (and won’t stay in time out; doesn’t care about consequences). He fed the dog raisins right after I told him they make dogs sick. And we have had a few public freak-outs. I’m hoping to ride out this phase (please tell me it’s a phase) and will enjoy the next, less-violent (fingers crossed) phase. School is only a few weeks away. 😉
Amy, it’s a phase! :)Three is the hardest age!
This is so us! Wrestling on the couch, jumping, screaming….all of it is my life too! I just start to blend into the chaos :))
I agree, three is tricky. And kids are so different. I find that I’m much better at letting my kids be their own beings (and celebrating that independence) in my writing more than in practice! 🙂
Also, you’ve mentioned having a LOT of solo parenting stints, so cut yourself some slack. I think wild child behavior is much harder to deal with when there’s no one to fall back on. Kudos to you for holding your fort down as well as you do.
90% of our issues with head butting (figuratively speaking – I will say my kids are far less physical and more on the whiny/demanding/bickering side of it) comes from us (parents) trying to impose our will on the girls. maybe 95%. Hmmm, maybe I should work on that.
I agree with Kristin wrt solo parenting — my kids are always worse when D is gone. If only you and I lived closer, we could team up during these long conferences!
Also, when A was such a relatively well-behaved toddler, I thought it was because we’re such good parents. Ha ha! So naive. 😉