It has been a while since I’ve written a blog post. Even though I had posts up regularly over the past two weeks, many of them I had scheduled long ahead of time before our trip, then I took another break after we returned. It is harder than usual to get back into posting daily for some reason. It feels as if I lost momentum and have been in my head more than usual. Things have shifted in an interesting way and I feel that familiar itch that usually comes with a new season — the feeling of something in the air and a need to reassess life and how we live it. Only it’s still the middle of the summer and there is no real change of seasons.
I can’t explain it really, only to assume that all the processing of what we experienced has not yet run its course and until it does I will feel unsettled. There is no value in this feeling; it is neither good nor bad, just… itchy and needing time.
There is a lot I want in this life for my family and myself. And interesting experiences, adventures, memories and opportunities to be better and grow present themselves and sometimes confound that feeling. It is good and uncomfortable all at once, as I guess life is! I do want to blog, I do want to share, and I guess the trouble is when something so big happens that I can’t blog about or share, it feels difficult to move forward and pretend like it never happened! So I guess my solution for now is to write about it and not hit publish, and hope that maybe in the future I will be able to share! So for now, I move forward and live and embrace the discomfort.
Enjoy it while it’s still yours, I once did a national geographic thing and couldn’t talk about it until they aired it. Now, I get emails from all over the world and it’s sweet but strange at the same time.
Thanks, Alma! That sounds so interesting, and good advice. I didn’t realize just how much I process my own thoughts and feelings by writing until now! It has become such a major outlet for me over the years, so to stay away from writing about the whole thing is proving to be so hard!
I’m anxious to hear your thoughts on the trip, too! 😉 At the very least, it sounds like it was a great adventure for your family and an opportunity for some good reflection, which makes me think it must have been a pretty neat experience overall. Crossing my fingers that the show gets picked up and you can share more later!
It must be challenging to keep such a transformative event under wraps. While I’m sure there are many aspects of your life that you don’t share here, you always do a great job of showing us so much of your world (friends, family, hardships, celebrations)… so it’s particularly ‘odd’ to have the gap here. But it also sounds like sort of an interesting exercise, to find other outlets to process the experience. I am so curious! Patience, patience 😉
I have this really sensitive imaginary line about what I share on my blog and what I don’t share. Sometimes it leaves me “writing in my head” a lot before I actually can start typing, and again before I can hit ‘publish’. When I first started writing it was really just an online journal and a place to share pictures with our extended family, since we live so far away from everyone else. As the readership has grown over the years, I still try to sit down with the intention to write to myself first. But I also love the connections I’ve formed throughout these years – I can name so many good friends now that I’ve met through my blog – and I love the conversational aspect of blogging (and Instagram). I’m not on Facebook – maybe if I was, I’d feel less of a need to connect in these other ways.
I think being introspective is something that people do relate to – perhaps they are less likely to chime in on the conversation – but honestly, there are so many conversations out there that it can be a little overwhelming. I’ve discovered that writing about grief has made me feel the same way – a little unsettled and itchy. It isn’t something that is tied up in a neat little package over two or three posts – it seeps into everything that we do and write and experience, but it’s also very personal and very hard. And it does feel good to write about personal and hard things, and for me, to reread those words again and again.
So in all my rambling, I guess I’m just saying that I get it. What you are trying to say, or not say. That’s the lovely thing about a personal blog. You can let out as much as you need to, and then make raspberry lemonade in the leftover spaces of your day.
I hope we do run into each other some day – we’re bound to, I suppose. Don’t be shy if we do.
Kristin, thank you! Such truth in your words and it all really makes sense. I think sometimes I feel I “owe” readers an explanation, and really it has to do with connections and not making people feel left out. But it is a hard balance, especially in an online friendship. And same goes for you! If you see me out before I see you, don’t be shy! 🙂