I hope it goes without saying how grateful I am to be awarded the luxury of staying at home with my boys. Andrew has a killer job which enables us to live comfortably on one income in a great part of town, in a city we have grown to love. I have had a hand in creating a good life for us, but in no way do I take it for granted or forget to be grateful every day. I have a lot of freedom in deciding what I do with Emil in the mornings while the boys are in school, and in any beautiful weather we will be found outdoors breathing fresh air, whereas I know many do not have that option. I love this job, I do!
That being said, since becoming a mama six years ago, it has been a struggle to find room for the extras. It is that way for everyone, I’m sure. Becoming a parent forces you to make decisions and reprioritize. There are only so many hours in the day, after all. I imagine that this issue is even more extreme for working mamas. How do you find time to take care of everyone, work, and do the things you love to do?
I think this is amplified when children are very young. You’re not sleeping well and some days are just survival mode. I ran out of the physical and creative energy required to pursue my hobbies early on in motherhood, and after having my boys back-to-back, the pregnancy, the breastfeeding, the weaning, and then doing it all over again… twice… it took all of my concentration, all of my physicality. Things I had time to do before fell to the wayside. But now that Emil is two and Milo and Oliver are in school for a good part of the day, I am beginning to see that I will have more time for myself again, and soon!
So I’ve decided to make a list. It may be silly. It is subject to change, but for now, I have this list of things I want to do when my days open back up and my boys are more independent. Here goes!
Start playing violin again. I played all through grade school, high school, and here and there in college, but my violin needs serious work, I need a new bow, and well, the time and space and quiet to practice again. I can’t play after the boys go to bed, obviously. I would love to break this thing out and play with Andrew and the boys in our living room by the fire in the colder months!
Take a photography class. Despite taking pictures nearly every day, I have absolutely no clue about the technical aspects of photography and I would love to have the time to learn the right way. I think I might be good at this if I give it a try!
Start running again. Running used to be part of my daily routine before kids, and it made me feel balanced, relaxed, and healthy. And though I’m not interested in running another marathon, I see myself clocking a few miles every day while the boys are in school.
Garden. I know, I know. I technically already do this, but not nearly as much as I would like. Our flower beds have been suffering in light of my focusing on our veggie garden and I can never find the time to weed, mulch, and tend to it the way I wish I could. I have tried to do this with Emil by my side, but the little bugger keeps running down the sidewalk laughing. And he is fast. In addition to our own gardens, I am dying to find the time to volunteer at our local elementary school, where I would love to include the kids in planning and tending to a community garden right outside their own school. As soon as Emil is in preschool next year, I can’t wait to volunteer my time for this!
And that’s it! Do you have a list? If so, what’s on it?
P.s.- Happy Halloweeeeeen!
Yes! Hobbies truly do go by the wayside during this time. Painting and the simple act of reading are two things I miss… but I’m not there quite yet. I have equal part excitement and dread looking to the near future when I’ll have more time. I’ll miss this stage and then there’s also the career to consider, but having the freedom to tackle a few things all for myself is a fun idea!
Your list is wonderful. I hope you find the time!
I wish I had time for yoga, and though I’m certain I could make time, it would be at the determent of other things, dishes and laundry for instance.
There are a half dozen other things I wish for the time and space to pursue, but a full time job, an infant, and two certifiably “big” kids, makes it all a little busy, in the best way possible. And usually if I’m gonna make time for non-family/ house stuff, it’s social in nature because I’m more social than creative.
Good luck with violin. Music with the kids is always great.
Yes! Hobbies have been tough to hold onto during this stage of life for me, too. I work full-time and care for the kids while my husband is pursuing his phd, so I’m slowly seeking out time for myself. I’d like to get a regular exercise schedule in place (both yoga and something more cardio-like), I want to read more, I want to learn to sew, and I want to find a bit more time to care for my home/garden. Once the phd begins and we switch the working arrangement, I have day dreams of a quiet house when both kids are in school and being able to do more of those things. We’ll see…. 🙂
I am learning to be patient, I am a Gemini, that is hard for me to do. However, I see that my 17 month old is becoming more independent and my 4 year old is already such a big boy and manages many tasks by himself. The day will come and I will be able to sew my little heart out, until then I patiently wait and watch them grow.
I think raising our children well takes alot of our creative energy and doesn’t leave a whole lot for pursuing our soul interests. Of course our children are young for such a short while that I don’t believe it should be any other way. I remember being amazed when I saw my mother taking time to do something she loved for herself (because it was rare!). I loved it because I felt she was sharing herself as a person, not just being my Mom. I remind myself of this when I have been neglecting myself, or feeling guilty for taking time for myself.
Thanks Lauren, for sharing yourself in this blog! For loving your family, and embracing your job as Mother and more…I’m a single parent who would love to be home more and it is hard to hear stay-at-home moms taking the blessing of time with their kids for granted. I don’t believe you ever do. I cherish every moment, but yes, more time to write, play piano, expand my garden….there will be a day!
I think your list is admirable and best of all, seriously things that will enrich your life in a way that won’t make you feel ‘guilty’ if you can’t do it all, all of the time.
I am still working on my list, but the running…I would LOVE to run with you one day. We could meet up and do a 1/2 marathon or 10K together! 🙂
Annie, thank you! And yes, yes, yes! I can’t imagine better company with which to tackle a half marathon than you!!!
It’s awesome to hear how you love your luck! Good for you! I sometimes find myself struggling to appreciate how awesome my life really is. All of my little white people problems get way too much airtime in my mind 😉
I can’t say this enough but I don’t understand how mom’s do anything. I don’t have kidlets, I only work part-time, yet I find that I don’t do nearly enough of the things I love. Actually, I was just talking about this with my friend and neighbor who’s a mama of two little ones and she was talking about how she “wished she used had her time better when she didn’t have kids”. It got me thinking about how I use my time.
At the same time I love what my friend Mary said about narrowing down her interests after the birth of her daughter. That’s kind of been my problem for the last couple of years, figuring out what I’m really interested in.
So far, I think I’ve figured out that:
-I love wild crafting even more than gardening. But hope to keep my family in herbs and veggies again soon.
-I need to keep making time for reading and writing over being social. For my…how you say…sanity.
-I need to prioritize meditation above all other extracurricular activities.
-I miss camping and hiking more than I can say.
-I want to make movies. But they’re so time-consuming and huge.
-I love learning to play a instrument, but it’s the least of my priorities.
-If I just cut off sleep, I can get all these things done, still have 2 1/2 jobs and squeeze in yoga.
See what I mean? Throw in a kid or two and I’d be reading books backwards and wildcrafting poisonous weeds. Mama’s of the world, I salute you for getting shit done!
Sorry for another one of my trademark monster comments…
Milla, I love your list! And NEVER apologize for long comments… I love them, and read every word!
Holler if you want free photo lessons.
Can’t help you with the violin, though. Emil surpassed my understanding of music at age one, I think.
Some of these comments are so insightful and eloquent it boggles the mind. I find, to be really creative and inspired, i have to let my mind go a bit. Find that space beyond boredom where little seeds of inspiration have the space and breadth to blossom. Even when i work hard to carve out time to paint, draw, write, etc it can feel so scheduled, so forced that the pressure of using the golden time becomes overwhelming and i churn out total crap. One of my answers is to give in, let the lungs fill with water -if you will- during a zap of inspiration. But, this has also led to little hands in red oil paint which then transfers to walls and furniture. Like i said, drowning, but in that messy, euphoric way. Surely, the next wave of feminism will have the answer! Oh, that’s us.
Elisa, you would be dumbfounded by how little I know… but I still might take you up on that offer sometime 🙂
And Maggie, the space to be creative… I can’t even imagine. I feel like that sometimes with writing. It has to come from a place of peace and quiet and usually many hours of solitude, after the kids have gone to bed. Of course, I pay for it the next day if I stay up too late, but that seems to be when my creative juices start flowing. I can’t even imagine adding paint to the equation!!!
There are a million things I’d love to do and learn, but like you, I’ve come to the realization that I will never have time to do everything and simply need to prioritize. I try to do things I really love and things that I have some success at doing.
My mother-in-law very kindly bought me a sewing machine, but it’s sat untouched for months. I’d love to learn how to sew, but I’m not crafty to begin with and at the end of the day, there are other things I’d rather be doing. When my MIL’s sewing machine broke, I offered her mine. She was happy to have a new sewing machine and I was happy not to be constantly wishing I had more time to actually use it!
I making time for exercise, writing, and food. It’s not a lot, but it’s enough of an outlet for now. At some point, I’d like to work more on my photography and French. Part of me thinks Spanish would be more useful, but I have a good foundation in French from elementary and high school and I did actually use it on my last trip to Canada where all my relatives speak it. In fact, my Aunt only speaks French!
This comment from Trina has been rattling around in my head since I read it: “I remember being amazed when I saw my mother taking time to do something she loved for herself (because it was rare!). I loved it because I felt she was sharing herself as a person, not just being my Mom. I remind myself of this when I have been neglecting myself, or feeling guilty for taking time for myself.” This has deep meaning for me on many levels – and is so well put together. In fact, I’ve reread all these comments several times because they all have something for me. You have THE BEST readers Lauren!
I LOVE your list, particularly number one. 🙂
Love your list, Lauren! I just traded help cleaning and moving for an old Singer treadle sewing machine, so I’m going to be getting acquainted that bad boy during the cold months. The boys want to learn how to use it too (like me, they know how to hand-sew, but not machine-sew). And yes, learning more about photography! Erin at the BluebirdBaby blog (Love Supreme Photography) has an awesome photography course I’m going to take. I love to garden! I should, I do it as a side biz 🙂 If you let many of the seed companies know you’re doing a community service, they will donate seeds. I know Sow True Seeds and Southern Exposure Seed Exchange do donate seeds. Enjoy your mama time!