Perhaps our kids will think us cruel some day for it, but we have yet to throw our kids an actual birthday party (well, other than Milo’s third birthday, where we invited some neighbors over and threw the kids in the back yard with some cupcakes). Part of it has to do with the fact that their birthdays are so close together, all three over the span of one month (and Andrew’s is tucked in there too). But more of it has to do with the uneasiness I feel when we attend those over-the-top, professional-level themed parties with all the bells and whistles: the bounce houses, the huge table of presents, the professional performers (!), the goodie bags the kids have come to expect at every party (wait, you mean the party isn’t enough? You have to give all of your guests presents too?). I start to wonder, is anything going to be special to these kids anymore?
This isn’t meant to bash you if you are a big party person. If you spend months planning your one-year-old’s birthday and have a color theme and matching outfits, etc. If that’s how you roll, great!
But… I guess we are choosing to opt out. We’ve chosen not to compete in these party games. It’s not that hard to explain to our kids (yet) why they can’t have the $300 party at SkyZone and sit in the king’s chair while opening 30 presents. They are, for now, just happy to be at a party, any party. This is not all to say that we don’t want them to feel special on their special day. So as soon as they are old enough to request something (we’ve found it to be the third birthday around here), they can request it. We tell them they can choose a special place they’d like to go, or an experience they’d like to have, and they can bring one friend. Then later that night, we blow out candles and eat cake as a family, and watch the special kid open his (two or three small) presents. It ends up being very special, because they get some really good quality time with a friend of their choosing, and we all end up having a blast, without the consumerism culture I’d rather not instill in my kids.
This year, Milo chose Eliza to go to the City Museum with him. He had started off with another friend in mind, but as the days passed, he came to me with this: “Mama, I think I would rather take Eliza.” I was pleased, but still curious, so I asked why. “Because she is really strong and a really good climber. Plus, she’ll already be there for circus class!”
I couldn’t have planned it better myself. So on the Saturday after Milo’s 6th birthday, I took Milo and Eliza to their circus class and Eliza’s mama let us use their membership card so we could stay after and explore the museum. And let me tell you, explore we did! I had so much fun with those two, I can’t even tell you! They are at such a great age right now: independent and physically agile, yet still completely amazed by the world around them. They are innocent and have HUGE imaginations, and magical thinking and all that good wonderful stuff we adults are missing from our minds. But watching them and exploring with them, I felt like a kid too. A big kid who couldn’t fit into all the tiny spaces they could, but a kid nonetheless. 
At one point, Milo got separated from us, and before I was even worried, my cell phone rang. It was a City Museum employee who said that she had Milo. He had found an employee, told her he was lost, then told her my full name and phone number. How cool is that?! Though… I’m pretty sure he told her our address too. We’re working on the basics here! 
But I do think that Milo chose exactly the right friend to bring along. They were well-matched in energy, ability, and interest, and frankly I could sit down and relax a bit while they literally ran back and forth and slid down over and over again in one area. 
We rounded off the trip with some snow cones and a lot of laughter. Love these goofballs! 
I don’t quite understand the whole birthday treat bag thing myself. Isn’t getting invited to the birthday party and eating cake and ice cream “The Treat?”
We do birthdays very similar to you. Although now my kids are getting older, I’m sensing a few slumber parties in our future. Hold me. I’m scared.
Birthday parties are hands-down my least favorite parenting activity. Either to attend or to throw. My Mom had it right I think; she hand drew and huge birthday banner for us the night before that we all helped color in, and was a surprise to the birthday kid. She had some family over (usually grandparents and an aunt and uncle) for a dinner where we were able to select the menu. God love the woman, when i was seven i asked for pizza and mashed potatoes and she served it. She then told us our birth story or went through our baby book with us before bed. The family time was awesome and we always felt loved and celebrated. I couldn’t tell you what any of my birthday gifts were, ever. But I remember everything else. And I still have some of those banners.
Ami- I think a sleepover sounds totally great! It focuses on spending time together as friends rather than making it a huge production.
Maggie- your mom sounds awesome. I might steal a few of her ideas in the upcoming years!
Happy Birthday to Milo! What a fantastic birthday celebration, and what a fantastic museum! If we are ever in your area, we are certain to visit.
P.S. I love 6!
Lauren, I am right there with you on the birthday front. We keep it simple and small and I don’t think twice about it.
It looks like Milo had an amazing time with his friend at the City Museum. What an amazing place!
I haven’t done a birthday party yet either, partly it’s the winter birthday and small home factor but it also just seems like a headache to me. That said, I loved my parties as a kid- piñatas and a big outdoor meal with all my classmates was the annual ritual. I guess we’ll see.
It certainly looks like Milo had a great time with his friend, an excellent birthday treat.
Lauren, thank you for this post. I completely agree with you – when I was a kid (school age, no younger than that), what people did was invite a bunch of other kids, have cake and play some games. Then hot dogs for dinner and then home. Nowadays, even here in Germany where I think things might be a little more low-key than in the U.S. (I lived in Iowa for one year so I think I can compare both countries to a certain extent), people are having themed parties now, they hire magicians and clowns and even party planners for their little ones, and as a guest, you’re expected to buy rather big presents off wishlists. I’m not gonna do that. On my son’s first birthday, we had his regular playgroup of 5 kids over and they did just what they always do – eat some fruit and carrot cake, play in the sandbox, crawl in the grass. I’m gonna try and keep it that way in the years to come.
CITY MUSEUM is my most most favorite kids place!! We went while I was barely pregnant with Lo and I dreamed of running through there with a kiddo one day. I can’t wait to take her there!!! 🙂