Having three little kids has proven to be exciting, hilarious, challenging, exhausting, and moving all at once. Having kids close in age seems to instill a bond in them that is unparalleled. They do not remember an existence without brothers. They always have a playmate, and learn how to empathize and compromise early on. I also think they know they have someone to turn to and count on, other than their parents, which can be a really good thing because, you know, we parents won’t be around forever. Well, there’s that and then the teenage years when we are embarrassing our kids just by being who we are. I guess at least they have someone to roll their eyes with.
But the major drawback I see in having kids so close in age is that chaos seems to reign all at once, where all little ones need their mama at the same time and (in their minds at least) in equally urgent ways, and someone always has to be set aside. Obviously the most life-threatening situation takes precedence over, say, wanting mama to finish that story we started two hours ago. Too many times that story never gets finished, and then I feel horrible because it’s usually Milo, sitting patiently on the couch, waiting and wanting and missing his mama-time, but not complaining about it because he somehow understands. But ugh. My heart just aches writing about it!
But it’s not only Milo. Oliver is still such a snuggly little guy, needing a lot of affection and hugs and of course wants more lap-time. At which point Emil runs over crying and whining (and occasionally hitting Oliver over the head with a toy frying pan) for me to nurse him. And no, it doesn’t work trying to hold both at the same time. It’s quite the predicament.
But something nice has happened recently. With the two older boys in preschool every morning until 11:45, Emil and I get some one-on-one time. And though it’s not always relax-time (this is key errand-running time since I only have one kid with me), it certainly is fun. We even met up with friends for breakfast this week, which we rarely do anymore. And then, after I pick up the boys from preschool and feed all three of them lunch, it is Emil’s nap time. So I get one-on-two time with Milo and Oliver. We can snuggle and watch a couple episodes of The Magic School Bus (have you seen this show? Such a cool cartoon about science on YouTube!) and read stories to our heart’s delight. It has become a really nice routine. When Emil wakes up, we take the opportunity to get outside and get some fresh air before dinnertime- a long walk to the library, a jaunt to the playground, even just tooling around in the back yard.
I see that it will get so much easier in so many ways. They will all eventually sleep through the night. The physicality of near-constant breastfeeding and baby-wearing will end (and I’m sure I will miss it). The boys will play even more independently and someday be big enough to ride their bikes to the playground a block away with no adults. Then… what will I do with myself? Ah… the possibilities are endless.
It sounds as though you are balancing things well, mama, despite the challenges. Not having three, or four (Kristin) or 6 like a lady I see at preschool (honestly, double stroller, 3 walking and one on her back!) I have no business giving advice, but I do cheer you on. I cherish the times I have with my two as individual people, Liam on his school-less mornings and Reina on our weekly lunch date. Keep up the good work, I’ve told you before, your boys will write songs about you!
Not too long ago I remember having to juggle picking up a kid from kindergarten and picking up a kid from preschool and trying to get the youngest home in time for a nap.
But you are right, it really does get easier, especially in a physical sense. Not to mention, you are getting stronger all the time- even if you don’t feel especially strong. And one day you’ll look around and you’ll think, “This is almost easy today. Almost.”
I am finding this true in our family this year, too. I take my older to preschool around noon, after a morning full of chaos and *fighting* and then my youngest transforms into a lovely little girl to be around. It’s magic.
It sounds like you have found a really great routine with preschool, I am sure it is so difficult to have that individual time with each. I only have one, so there is nothing but oodles and oodles of one on one, and I still can’t always meet his needs, kids are tricky that way. Your boy’s are so sweet together and you guys are such dedicated good parents, I think they all know they are so very lucky, even when they’re waiting their turn 🙂
My husband is still hopeful for four – maybe even FIVE- children. I am overwhelmed imagining this third who will be here while Elsa is still one and Daniel is still three. They are all slightly less than two years apart. It was nearly impossible in the early days with two, but now we are old pros at it after 16 months together. I think we will have a terrible time adjusting but by this time next year will be sailing like you are. Thanks for remindinge to consider things with an open hand and joyfully instead of fearfully.
PS love the blog updates. Looks great in my phone, too – he older version rarely loaded and this looks great!
It always seems like you’re doing such an excellent job balancing. I’m always impressed. 🙂
It is all so overwhelming. When someone small is always needing your help, and being over-touched is a daily thing. But when I think of Audrey going to big-kid school like Julian and having full days to myself, I have a tiny panic attack because I have no idea what I want to do when I’m a grown-up.