I cannot believe how much this kid (and his hair) has grown over the past year. Oliver is a complicated, sensitive, sweet, thoughtful, stubborn, intelligent, suspicious, artistic, think-outside-the-box kind of person. We have had a rough couple of days involving two dentist’s offices in twenty-four hours and a whole lot of discussion about trust. Trusting other adults is not easy for Oliver; whereas a lot of children trust adults until that trust is broken, he is the type who mistrusts new adults until they prove their trustworthiness. That is a perfectly solid perspective, but a difficult one when having to visit doctors and dentists who may have to inflict a small amount of discomfort or pain for the greater good.
The thing is, as frustrating as the experience was, when I stepped back (and Andrew pointed this out to me, also), it was easy to see that what had happened was perfectly understandable and even desirable in different circumstances. Reminds me of an article I once read…
We’re looking forward to a lovely weekend (it’s going to be in the 60’s!), going out with our group of neighbor friends tonight and then spending a whole lot of time outside. Woo-hoo for fresh air!
This really resonated with me, glad you shared this. My second child is three and he tends to mistrust until someone proves that they are trustworthy. I like that you say that this behavior, in certain circumstances, is desirable. It makes perfect sense, it may come in handy later on in life…like teenage hood!
Thank you, Alma. It’s a challenge sometimes, especially when you’re used to an outgoing, trusting first born, but such a testament to the power of personality and the importance of us, as parents, to parent each of our children individually. One size does not fit all! 🙂
Lauren, I tried to locate an email for you to ask you this in a private way, but how do you handle the comments on your articles? I do not have children but I love reading your articles on parenting. I find it fascinating and illuminating. Today was the first time I took a minute to read the comments section. I am fairly sensitive and am currently working on dealing with feedback. I am curious as to how you handle it. Thank you for being so open and honest with all of us.
I find his approach admirable and wise. Oliver is an old soul who values caution in many things. There are so many bad things out there in the world!
Ashley, I’m sorry my email address was not easy to find! It is in the About page, but I spelled it out rather than linking to it to avoid spam. As for dealing with the negative comments on Washington Post articles, I actually (against the advice of my editor) read all of them, but try to find humor in the really nasty ones (Andrew also helps by reading them out loud in funny voices). I think it is easier as time goes on and I write more, put myself out there more. It’s something that used to really get to me though! How could strangers’ hurtful words not get to you if you care about what you wrote? They seem so off base, really! I think it’s helpful to realize that a lot of the people who write hurtful things online are only exposing their own issues through their words. It’s like a Rorschach test; everyone sees/reads into things in different ways based on their own life experiences and perceptions, and those who lash out online are just very unhappy. That said, it’s really easy to distinguish between people whose opinions differ from my own and internet trolls. There’s no point in getting upset about someone who would never, ever say what they wrote to your face, if they had the chance to stand in front of you and have an actual discussion. I consider myself a pretty sensitive person too, but in the end, if what someone says or writes is not constructive criticism but instead just hurtful and outlandish, you just have to brush it off and move on.
Thank you, Lauren! Such wise words.